[For Tony] Dated July 24

[wildlyconflicted]

For awhile, it felt like Pepper was moving underwater. After the past 24 hours, the relative normality of the Compound felt slow and surreal, people distant as she made her way to the women's showers or down to the clothes box or into the kitchen to eat. Everything seemed to take an inordinately long time, but she was far too tired to hurry. It seemed almost unfair, really, that after everything that had happened, she would have to put on a raincoat and walk all the way home, alone, but there was no keeping her from it—She wanted her own bed, and more pressingly, she wanted to see Tony.

The house was dark and quiet when she finally got there, and she had to wonder exactly how long he'd been out there looking for her. Hanging her coat by the front door, she stepped inside, hair still damp but clean, some color back in her cheeks.

"Tony?"

Comments

[notawastedlife]

Tony was just about out of the suit when Jarvis announced Pepper's return. After a moment of blanching in worry -- he was more concerned about what Pepper would do to him than the extra usage of the suit, and felt this was only reasonable -- he hurriedly shucked the rest of it and then dashed up the stairs, hoping to be on a chair upstairs by the time she was inside the house.

He didn't make it, and instead settled for trying not to sound out of breath. "What time do you call this? They didn't- you're not bandaged. Did they check for a concussion?"

[wildlyconflicted]

"I'm not bandaged because I'm fine," Pepper insisted, although her composure almost immediately faltered with the reminder of everything that had happened staring her in the face. She ducked her head a bit, pressing fingers to the bridge of her nose.

"You put on the suit and came looking for me," she said, and lifted her gaze to him again. "Even though you knew what that meant."

[notawastedlife]

Tony squinted at her, not meeting her eyes so much as looking for head trauma, as if he could stare and spot something medical professionals couldn't. Then he just looked away.

"Well," he shrugged, "I need the help tying my shoes, remember? Can't have my shoes falling off."

[wildlyconflicted]

"I'm so angry with you right now," Pepper admitted, although she sounded more woeful than anything else. "But I'm so-" She paused, sucked in a sharp breath and huffed it out. "So grateful and overwhelmed that I don't even know how to feel."

He wasn't looking at her. Everything that had happened, and he wasn't looking at her.

Pepper crossed the distance between them and tipped her head over into his line of sight. "Tony. You just saved my life. Please look at me."

[notawastedlife]

"You should feel- those last two. Go with grateful," Tony said, not exactly obeying the instruction but not looking away when she popped into his line of sight, either. "Less with the- I'll work out what the palladium concentration is when I can dig up a syringe. It won't be much. It'll be more, it won't be... that bad."

He did wish he'd had some time for a dose of the chlorophyll concoction, though, the dash up the stairs wasn't helping him stay steady on his feet.

[wildlyconflicted]

"Tony." One of Pepper's hands found Tony's face, directed it more properly around to her. She would have liked to say it was sheer impulse that led her to lean up, lean in and press her mouth against his, but it wasn't. To suggest this very moment hadn't been preying on her mind for quite some time would be a lie.

"Thank you," she murmured without quite drawing away, eyes downcast.

[notawastedlife]

He could just lean in, really, or say something and then lean in...

"No problem. You're welcome," he said, briskly, and did nothing of the sort, eyes flicking up to focus on approximately her hairline. "I didn't mean to worry you. But, you worried me first, so..."

[wildlyconflicted]

For one brief, irrational moment, Pepper felt so thoroughly rejected she might as well have been sixteen and botching her first kiss. In the time it took her to swallow once awkwardly, though, she remembered who she was dealing with and all of the emotional stumbling blocks that came with it.

"Look at me," she demanded, hand shifting from Tony's face to the front of his shirt. "Don't you do this to me, not now. Don't you dare, Tony Stark."

[notawastedlife]

He couldn't exactly ignore that, or at least it felt wrong, so he did drop his gaze, although he stayed stock still, otherwise.

"I'm not- Not doing things is sort of the point," he said. "It's not that I don't- it's not the best time. It's a bad time. You shouldn't..."

He came up short on how to describe what she shouldn't be doing, since dating didn't really cover it.

[wildlyconflicted]

"No," Pepper immediately countered with a quick shake of her head. "You don't get to do that. You- You- Oh my god." She blinked, incensed, and then poked the arc reactor with a stern index finger. "You don't get to do this. You're not allowed to make me love you and save me from dying and then tell me it's a bad time for it because you're scared. No way. Not happening."

[notawastedlife]

"Scared? I'm not- that's not what this is at all," Tony said, shaking his head, finally moving some. "It's a bad time for it because- I should be focusing on the problem, right? That's why you came back? No distractions. Not that you're a distract- you know what I mean."

Probably she did, actually, which would be the problem.

[wildlyconflicted]

"What do you think I'm expecting, moonlight and roses?" Pepper ejected, gaping incredulously back at him. "It would just be nice if, say, you didn't just stand there like my kissing you is weird. It isn't weird, and you're dying and- and-" She lost momentum, a sudden rush of emotion pushing up and reminding her of how incredibly tired she was.

"I don't know what I'm saying," she admitted, looking away and pressing a hand over her eyes. "I thought- I don't know what I thought. I'm going to bed."

[notawastedlife]

"It's not weird! It's just- I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying either," he said, which was better than admitting that he did know what he was saying, he just didn't want to say it.

That there was a shadow of doubt in his head now, that he was running out of scenarios to test, that he didn't want to start something he wouldn't finish. Or, rather, something that he would.

Just kiss her again.

...was that Jarvis? Had Jarvis just- No, hang on, it was inside his head, and sounded more like Rhodey, anyway. So he did what he always did with Rhodey's advice, and ignored it.

"Bed. Yes. You should... rest."

[wildlyconflicted]

"I may be late getting up tomorrow," Pepper wearily apprised him as she turned away, defaulting to a business demeanor out of self-preservation as she tried to keep her shoulders from slumping. Suddenly, she just felt so very tired, in body and heart and head. "You might have to wait a little while for your coffee."

[notawastedlife]

"I- right. Understood," Tony said, stepping back and rubbing the back of his neck, and then discretely steadying himself with a hand on the nearest piece of furniture, now that she was turned away.

Good peace offering, maybe. He'd get up, make coffee and breakfast, bring it to her in bed. He'd built flying suits of armor, how hard could breakfast be?