[For Peter] Dated 17 January

[wildlyconflicted]

More than anything else right now, Pepper just feels stupid.

Pepper is and always has been one of those people who knows which way the wind is blowing. While she's certainly not a Stark-level genius, she pays close attention. She jealously hordes information, and being too close to this particular situation isn't an excuse for missing the obvious; if anything, she should have been more aware from the start.

God, how could she be such an idiot to think she and Tony could ever work?

It's been a couple of days since the nuclear reactor and discovery of the space station. It's been just as long since the last conversation she had with Tony wherein she said more than one word. He's been gone most of the time, the station a good excuse to focus on something other than the way she's freezing him out, but as always, Pepper can't escape the way Tony can. She lives in a home he designed, attended by the AI he programmed. The whole damned island is abuzz about his celestial discovery, and she can't leave the house without someone asking her about it. She wishes she weren't so damned bitter; with as difficult as it is to be objective, even she can acknowledge that discovering a space station is incredibly cool.

All of this is why she's going to see Peter, who doesn't know Tony the way she does but knows him well enough. Peter, who will pull no punches and give it to her straight when she can't sort through the tangle of her own emotions to see what the hell she should do. Sympathy would be nice, but more than anything she needs a sounding board, a confidant, and there isn't anyone else better qualified. Never mind that she's 38 today, forgotten again, and feels justified in having a good rant (or at least a good drink).

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[daretodo]

There is a space station floating over our heads, but it'd be pretty lousy of me to skip out on the first day of the new semester when I made the commitment to teach these courses weeks ago. Even so, I'd be lying if I said my mind hadn't been entirely elsewhere this morning -- not unlike it might've been at home, honestly. Though really, the way this month's been going so far, with the anniversary of Osborn's rampage, Jessica's impromptu arrival, and, now, an honest-to-God space station, it's like everything's a reminder of my old life, for better or for worse. More than ever, my idea to start a monthly meeting of the more scientifically inclined minds seems prudent, and getting that off the ground as soon as possible is high on my list of priorities, if notably lower than spending more time in the freaking space station myself.

Look, I'm new at the team player gig. I'm allowed to slip up every once and a while.

Tucking my lesson plans back into my messenger bag, I step out of the school, intent on scaring up some lunch in the Compound before I have to go push some paper around in the Council office for the rest of the afternoon, brainstorm a little more on my project. I'm about to turn when I spot Pepper walking my way, catching me short.

"Well, if it isn't the birthday girl," I call out, offering her up a smile. If Tony listened to a word I said the other day, he should be at the mansion, cooking up an apologetic surprise right about now -- possibly literally. Hopefully he doesn't burn down the place. "Hey."

[wildlyconflicted]

"You're sweet to remember," Pepper replies upon approach, and her smile is genuine if a little pained. "But we're not going to talk about how old this makes me," she hastens to add with a knowing arch of an eyebrow. Thirty-eight. Where did the time go?

Oh, right. Tending to Tony Stark for seventeen years.

"Are you up for a drink, Professor Parker? I could use an ear if you've got the time." She cants her head, pale red hair sliding over her shoulder. "And if you don't, I'm not above using the birthday card."

[daretodo]

"Only if it's coffee," I say with a disbelieving laugh, eyebrows shooting upwards. I know things between her and Tony have been strained since the incident with the reactor, heard enough of his side of the story to get an okay idea of what all happened, but birthday or no birthday -- not to mention, relationship issues or no relationship issues -- it's a little early to be making a trip to the local watering hole, especially seeing as I don't even drink. "It's the middle of the afternoon, Pepper."

[wildlyconflicted]

"Back home," Pepper begins, motioning casually with one hand, "I had a list of local restaurants that served alcohol with breakfast, because Tony, sometimes, wanted to go out to eat in the morning." Her gaze settles heavily on Peter. "Today is my birthday, I am much older than I want to think about, my personal life is in a shambles, and I've not had a cocktail for months trying to support the man who made it that way. I think I deserve one lunchtime martini. You can have coffee. I assure you I will not become so inebriated I blow anything or anyone up."

[daretodo]

In a land with no clearly delineated social class, sometimes it's easy to forget just where people came from before they showed up here. But at the end of the day, I am, and will always be, just a kid from Queens, raised in a working class home, by good, straight-laced folks. My first wife was a supermodel-turned-actress, sure, but lunchtime martinis and high end restaurants and fancy parties were her reality. Her job took her to exotic places to hobnob with society's elite. My 'job' took me to exotic places to punch some clown in the face. Meanwhile, the job I actually got paid for -- in peanuts -- took me to my old high school where I used my spider-sense to dodge spitballs. Sometimes, there was a surprising amount of overlap between the three, but mostly, we both knew I didn't really fit into that part of her life, proud of her though I was. What was important is that she didn't hold it against me.

I wonder if Pepper will.

"...right, and those'd be great arguments, except for the part where I'm not Tony Stark," I say, quickly moving to hold up my hands in a way that's pure appeasement. "Look, I'll lend you an ear, Pepper, because I know you probably need one. I will even try to find a candle to put on a slice of You Look Lovely For Your Very Young Age pie. But I don't do lunchtime martinis. Sorry, that's just... Not something I do, even as a passive observer. Especially as a passive observer."

I look down the path, then add, "Now, I'm going to the kitchen. You're welcome to join me -- heck, I'd love it if you would." I offer her my arm. "Whaddaya say, hmm?"

[wildlyconflicted]

"Honestly, Peter, I just…" Pepper begins and then lets out a slow sigh that seems to deflate her, her shoulders slumping. "That isn't where I want to be today. I spend so much of my time in and around this place," she explains with a motion to the Compound, "specifically in the kitchen and laundry room."

Her upheld hand curls in on itself, the movement resigned, and then falls heavily to her side.

"I think, today, I'm done acquiescing to the men in my life for a little while. I appreciate what you're saying and I can respect it. This certainly isn't personal. But today, this once, I need to be able to do what I want to do." She reaches out and gives Peter's extended arm an encouraging squeeze. "Thank you for the offer, though. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

[daretodo]

For about a second, I feel bad -- it is her birthday, and even knowing that Tony should be fast at work on some sort of surprise, I don't like the idea of leaving her alone -- but I know bending on this would've made me feel worse. It's a sticky area, being friends with the potential ex of a guy who I've only just tentatively started to accept as a friend of mine, too, and it's made all the stickier by the fact that he's a recovering alcoholic who I agreed to let take me into space to keep him on the wagon two days ago -- his suggested alternative to tearing through my house in search of booze that wasn't there.

A part of me thinks she might've been better off seeking out Mary Jane. The conflict of interest isn't as great.

"He's sorry, for what it's worth," I blurt out, even if it doesn't sound like she'll be going back to the mansion anytime soon, regardless of what I say. "I've never been in your position, but boy, have I been in his, plenty, and-- He's sorry." I hold up my hands again. "Doesn't mean you have to acquiesce to anyone, but..." Unsure of how to end that thought, though, I let out a sigh instead. "I just thought you should know."

Feeling awkward and not a little guilty, like I've gone and betrayed some confidence, I take a step back. "And I, uh, hope you get what you need today. Even if it's not from one of us."